(Live Music) Ashlee Simpson

What is there to say about Ashlee Simpson that hasn't already been said? Her music is horrendous, her fans are idiots, she sucks at life, and she's unfathomable hot! "But Cale," you may say, "when she had her old nose she was weird looking!" I must, however, acknowledge that my nose is not so much a gift from God as it is a gonzo rip-off. As a result, I found Ashlee's old nose somewhat appealing, but I can also understand why she would hack it off and replace it with something that is much more universally appealing.

Does this really matter when reviewing her performance? Absolutely! Especially when her performance was so bad that I left after the fourth song! Especially when the only thing that was going through my head when I watched the performance was her attractiveness! But that being said, I suppose I will get to some actual reviews here.

It was bad. Like Ashley Parker Angel, but louder and more obnoxious. The stage set looked like something right out of Britney Spears' "Oops I did it again" tour, as did her entrance and the explosion of 12-year-old cheer that her introduction was met with. It was nauseating and slightly boring. In the background, a video showed some really insignificant shots of tombs, ghost towns, and explosions in a really unstylized way, leaving the audience to ponder its purpose...Which it was seemingly void of. Like Ashley Parker Angel, the whole 4 songs that I watched seemed like a manufactured menagerie of suck, but I suppose this is what one should expect from a 20-year-old girl who doesn't play any instrument and can barely carry a tune.

On that note, Ashlee ended every song like she did at the Orange Bowl in 2005; with a painfully awful slurred note. I suppose it added to her "I don't give a F**k" routine, but after 4 songs of it, you just kinda have to shake your head in disappointment and make a b-line to the exit. As it turns out, that's exactly what happened.

1 out of 5 Stars