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Friday, January 18, 2008

The 10 Most Embarassing Songs From the 1990s

It's a love hate sort of thing. I did the majority of my growing up in the 90s, so I have kind of a soft spot for a lot of the music that came out during that decade. Then there are other songs that you liked at the time, but won't admit to today. That's what this list is all about. Are you embarassed now for having liked a song back then? Do you look back thinking, "How did I like that?" Well, we all feel that way. In fact, when compiling this list, I had more than just the normal Top 5 that I normally do. The 90s were that bad. So I did a little something special. What follows are the 10 Most Embarassing Songs from the 1990s.

#10: "U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer - That's right folks. The song that made MC Hammer a star is just too corny and bad to ignore. Keep in mind that this song wouldn't be half as embarassing as it actually is if it weren't for that damned video and those freakin' parachute pants. That just screams early 90s overkill! But as bad as this song is, I can't put it any lower than #10 for the simple fact that nostalgia will not permit me to. But I wish it would.

#9: "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies - Remember when this song was cool? When everyone you knew, including yourself, went around trying to figure out what the hell this guy was saying? And then when you found out, it was all kind of stupid. "The chicken from China. The Chinese chicken." Really? That's what you're saying? Really? How dumb were we? This song was everywhere and you couldn't get away from it. The only thing good that came from this song was it being followed (and beat down) by Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation" in 10 Things I Hate About You. That was kinda classic.

#8: "Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba - You can't very well have a song about embarassing 90s song without including Chumbawumba. Besides having a ridiculous name, a stupid album cover, and dumb lyrics; Chumbawumba was just overplayed into oblivion. Because when you think about it, there were way worse songs than "Tubthumping" in the 90s, but that doesn't make you want to admit that you liked it. It was cool for all of a month...and then everybody (EV ER EE BAWD EE) hated it. I say it's perfectly justified.

#7: "Waterfalls" by TLC - Okay, I know TLC isn't that bad of a group and I know Lisa Lopes is dead and I should probably pay respect to her by not ripping on the group's #1 song, but damn this song is stupid! Take a breather and just read the lyrics to the chorus of this song. "Don't go chasin' waterfalls. Please stick to the rivers and lakes that you're used to." WTF? How is that a metaphor for drug use or unsafe sex? Stick to rivers and lakes? Why? What do they represent? Please tell me because I'd really like to know! The ultimate tragedy is that very few people have actually figured out just how stupid this song really is. VH1 it at #8 on their 100 Greatest Songs of the 90s. But that's VH1, the network that brought you Rock of Love: With Brett Michaels.

#6: "Wannabe" by The Spice Girls - F***. This. S***. I can't believe I still remember every single lyric to this wretched piece of music.

#5: "With Arms Wide Open" by Creed - How did we ever like Creed? I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I can't figure it out. Scott Stapp is so bad, so deliberately masculine with his vocals. The lyrics are so straightforward and unsurprising. The music is decidedly bland. What is it that ever attracted us to Creed? Was it just that we were young and ill-informed on what good music sounds like? I just can't figure it out. "With Arms Wide Open" is perhaps Creed's most popular, and yet worst song ever. And remember, the band also brought us "What If," so that's saying a lot.

#4: "Livin' La Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin - I honestly can't remember whether or not I was ever actually in to Ricky Martin, or if he was just so...everywhere...that it seemed like I did. What I do remember, however, is seeing him perform at the Grammy's and having every major news outlet referring to him as part of the "Latin Invasion." Why? His music wasn't really latin? What, does shaking your ass and replacing an English word with a Spanish one every now and then make your music latin? Last I checked it didn't. It just made it stupid.

#3: "Thong Song" by Sisqo - Honestly, you know that numbers 1 and 2 have to be bad to beat out "Thong Song" for the top spot on the list. This song is so bad, so blatantly offensive (not to mention gross), that it just begs to forgotten. This song was huge in the Summer of 69 99, and by the summer of 2000 I can't think of very many people who would've been caught dead listening to it. Maybe a stupid high-school dance DJ or Sisqo himself....but that's about it.

#2: "Mambo No. 5" by Lou Bega - I don't think expounding is really necessary on this one. It's "Mambo No. 5" folks. It's badness is pretty self-explanatory.

#1: "Gettin' Jiggy With It" by Will Smith - Is there any song from the 1990s that is more embarassing than "Gettin' Jiggy With It?" The thing about the rest of this list is that these songs were cool once. This song was never cool. Never. That doesn't mean you didn't like it. No. You loved it! You ate this crap up! You got out on the dance floor, threw your hands in the air, and sang "Na na na na na na na" just like everybody else. The sad thing is that you knew it was bad. You just couldn't help yourself. These days things are different though. I think we all can take a step back and objectively say that "Gettin' Jiggy With It" is a god-awful song. I'd like to meet the person who doesn't think that. Even Will Smith would say, "Damn, what was I thinking?" Then he'd accidentally fall into one of his pools of money and say "...Oh Yeah!"

4 comments:

jill said...

Hey. No speaking ill of the Fresh Prince. Jeez. He's an icon.

Getting coffee this morning, the guy behind me caused quite the stir when his cell phone went off. The ring tone? Mambo No. 5. The guy he was with said to him "Dude. Seriously?"

I'm pretty sure that's what everyone else was thinking too.

Jason said...

What about the Macarena, I hate that song, always hated that song, the dance made you look ridiculous but I have a feeling that Cale really liked it and was embarrassed to put it on his list.

Also, Ice Ice Baby should definitely be on this list somewhere.

Cale said...

Ice Ice baby was 1989. Believe me I thought of it. What I didn't think of was the Macarena.

But yes, that should be there.

Earl of Auckland said...

Hey, I just discovered your blog, and I'm loving it!

I think you're being a bit harsh on Wannabe... there was some real raw talent there, before Simon Fuller stripped them of their personalities.

Maybe you can do a Top 5 Spice Girls songs! Listen to Spice Invaders. It's the weirdest B-side you will ever find ever. Even more so because it's from a band as huge as they were.
:-)